Better Choices Equals Better Parenting

mom reading Grown ups are supposed to help and encourage kids, right? They should help them learn how to do things, help them learn how to behave and encourage the positive things that kids do. But not all adults treat kids well. Some adults hurt and abuse kids rather than help them. Abuse hurts and its scary.....abusing kids or anyone is just wrong.

As we might know April is the " Child Abuse Awareness Month". It's very important to educate people so they will know that any child, at any age, from any socioeconomic background may experience child abuse. It is because of this that as a therapist I decided to write about this epidemic that has disastrous consequences in our society. Let's start learning some more about child abuse and what things you can do to prevent this.

Before getting into the definition or the types of abuse it is crucial that people know that most parents don't hurt or neglect their children intentionally. I have listed various "reasons" why people abuse their children even though this action is unjustifiable.

*Many of them were abused or neglected as a child.

*Very young or inexperienced parents might not know how to take care of their babies or what they can reasonably expect from children at different stages of development (newborn, toddler, teenager etc...).

*Circumstances that place families under extraordinary stress such as poverty, divorce, sickness, disability sometimes take their toll in child maltreatment.

*Parents who abuse alcohol or other recreational drugs are more likely to abuse or neglect their children.

Child abuse is divided into four types: physical, neglect, sexual, and emotional abuse. We need to point out that these types of abuse are more typically found in combination than alone. For example, a physically abused child is often emotionally maltreated. Let's start explaining what physical abuse involves. In a very simple way it involves injuring a child's body by burning them, beating them or breaking their bones. Because a bruise indicates that body tissue has been damaged and blood vessels have broken, any discipline method that leaves bruises is not appropriate. On the other hand, child neglect can include physical neglect (withholding food, clothing, shelter or other physical necessities), emotional neglect (withholding love, comfort or affection), and medical neglect (withholding needed medical care). Sexual abuse includes inappropriate touching of a child's breasts or genitalia, as well as someone's exposing their genitalia to a child.

Finally, emotional abuse or maltreatment involves belittling, ridiculing, name calling, disrespectful, unreasonably critical, etc...This is one of the most pervasive and damaging forms of child abuse that can impair a child's self image and self esteem for lifetime

Now, we just read why some parents abuse their children, and the types of abuse. It's important that we learn what things can be done to prevent child abuse. Here, we provided you with a list of suggestions, but you should not limit yourself in finding other ways that can help you:

1- Take care of yourself--a parent who is healthy and deals with stress in a positive way is relatively going to be better at parenting. One great suggestion is for you to decompress before you get home ...don't bring work problems to your home.

2- Don't stay isolated--participate in play dates, meet with other mothers, stay in touch with your support system (family, and friends), volunteer your time at church, at school, at any social organization.

3- Never, Never discipline your child when you're upset---give yourself a "cool off" period in which you can get distracted with something else that may help calm you down. When we are upset we are in an "insane phase"...that we are not ourselves on what we say or what we do.

4- Educate yourself--simple support can help prevent abuse, know what child abuse is, know the signs, read materials about this matter, join parenting classes and participate in Mommy and Me programs.

5- Understand the environment--children are much more likely to be cranky in certain situations such as having a stressful day at school, in day care, when teething, during hot or cold weather, change in routine like vacations, new places or new faces, being hungry or bored. If you know these behaviors above are "triggers" that they will "press your buttons"...You need to be proactive and be creative about how to handle them!

6- Examine your own behaviors--abuse is not just physical. Sometimes what you say can inflict deep and invisible wounds...Stop, Think and then Talk!

Remember that a child who has been abused needs special support and treatment as early as possible. The longer he continues to be abused or is left to deal with the situation on his own, the less likely he is to make a full recovery. Children are the innocent victims of child abuse... Together, we all can break the cycle of child abuse. We all know that caring for children is sometimes a difficult task. Discipline is especially challenging ....it means TEACHING.....Let's teach our children that they can count on us, that they can trust us and will be loved by us... A child's home should be a place that feels safe. Together let's make a difference in this world.... BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, TOGETHER WE CAN DO IT!

Gilda V. Gonzalez, LCSW is a licensed clinical social worker who received her Bachelor in Social Sciences, as well as her Masters Degree in Social Work from the University of Puerto Rico. Mrs. Gonzalez has expertise working with physical, sexual and emotionally abused children. In addition, she has expertise with terminally ill patients and their families who were dealing with grief, death and dying issues. In addition, Mrs. Gonzalez also provides services to children and adolescents with Learning Disabilities, ADHD, ADD, truancy problems, and pregnancy. She's in independent practice.

You may contact her at "Associates in Psychology" Windsor at Metro West, 2101 Park Center Drive, Ste. 270 , Orlando , FL 32835 (407)523-1213 or via email at gilda2005@earthlink.net

The Salon

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